Mike, who the he** are you?

Most of you know me, and personally, some of you know me thru internet only.

First off, I get results for people thru endless hard work, personal research, scientific knowledge of the human body and its actions, basically being a guinea pig, and kicking my own ass many times per week.  But…according to 24 Fitness standards, im not even qualified to be a trainer….let alone, a “Master Trainer”….well, blahhhhhhhhhh, master trainer, master baiter…whatever!  I’m not here to discuss anyones requirements to be hired there, or lack thereof….and for the record, no I did not apply at any Globo Gyms…

According to California and Orange County standards, im a licensed, certified, fitness trainer.  Thanks to Anaheim, I am a mobile, fitness solution provider.  Well, thats what the business license says anyhow. I am ‘mobile’ and that means, I can drive to someones house or place of business…ehh whatever!  Truth is, there is NO permit I can get at a reasonable price to train clients at parks…but, I don’t giva shit. I get results, period.  You do what ya gotta do.

I went from 225, just a fat piece of shit…to 170 and loose and hanging….now im 180, and well on my way to shred mode!  It is no fad diet, and it sure in the hell is not easy.  Sometimes I laugh at how bad I feel the next day.  Once again…whatever..

I hate the gym, I hate working out. I love to get out in the elements and DO WORK…I train, people and myself…we do not workout, we TRAIN.  Get that?  Working out involves some pilate balls and a precor set at a conversation pace….BLAHAHHAHAHA! Are you fuckin joking?  I would rather eat fast food 3x a day, ice cream at night, and well, just be a fat ass again.

Im not a vain person, I don’t do what I do to look in the mirror….although, it does help motivate….I do it because, I CAN! So can you.  It’s the mental part that drives you.

Im aggressive, I hate slackers.  Excuses piss me off, I take this personally.  People take it to the point of first paying me, then cheating, then lying to me….it is easier than listening to me rant…I guess.  Personally, I would just save my own money.

I know each and everyone of you has what it takes to push past your own weak, self imposed barriers.  You will not die, just feel like it at times.  This is not a ‘feel good’ spin class, or a self meditating yoga session.  There is NOBODY here that wants to hear about Sex in the City (whatever the fu*k) or the latest win or loss by your team.  SHUT UP AND TRAIN.

Years spent at 24, and on home made maple syrup and pepper juice…ha! wha the hell? and fad diets left me around 175ish and HANGIN all over the place.  Two times a day at the gym, split routines, pills coming out of my ears, and just starving…  FYI: A chicken sandwich and a diet soda was a good meal after a 90 minute routine on multiple cardio machines type of  workout session before i stumbled upon the TRUTH.

Now…I literally do whatever I want when i workout, i move shit Push, pull, shove, run, throw, squat, lift, all HUMAN MOVEMENTS…not some stupid preset machine or pulley system..wtf are those anyways.  I eat clean, cheat sometimes and my workouts are anywhere from just a ‘pump’ to an absolute killing on my body.  Since taking on the new career, I am now smarter at recovery, stretching, and rest…but don’t kid yourself…it is not the 4 weeks of yoga the fitness chains will put you thru.  Unless your just a fat tubb…and that’s all you can do is stretch anyhow. Sorry, I had to say it.  If you don’t stretch and do workouts properly, it’ll fu*k you up…bad.  If you dont get that by now, you are probably retarded and shouldn’t be worried about fitness anyhow!  Sorry about that one too…

By now, you’re probably thinking I have some huge anger problem….WELL I DO.

I hate excuse making slackers, and they PISS ME OFF.  For those that do put in the hardwork and effort…THEY KNOW…they know I put in my part.

You do YOUR PART and I do mine, and the result is amazing.  Those of you laughing right now…(the Mike is an idiot laugh) yeah, well you just don’t get it yet.  Chances are you wont commit to a program, or will be quitting soon, or you won’t bother changing (if you’re a reader only) …and your pants are probably bothering you RIGHT NOW.

Killllllllit!

Mike

Here is a rough outline of my progression…